Tête en bas

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Confest… they tried to change my life

  • English: Confest... they tried to change my life
  • Français: Confest... they tried to change my life

“Confest is a life changing event”. I heard that a few time already. Well.. I heard a lot of things about Confest, and I was really interest to participate in one of the “hippiest festival in Australia”. I’m not really a hippie myself, but there usually a lot of interesting thing to discover and to learn in these kind of festival. Meeting new people, sharing new way of life, new philosophy, new idea, all that are definitely part of the reasons I love traveling. My first and only experience for those kind of event was Burning Man. It definitely changed my life. In a way I won’t even try to describe.

Confest happen twice a year. For Easter long week end and for New Year Eve. In the middle of nowhere (which can be almost everywhere when traveling in Australia). I went there with a lot of expectation. And came back with some sadness and disappointment.

Sadness? Why? Hard to explain… I found in Burning Man a temple for creativity, originality and imagination. A place where idea were blooming. At Confest, most of the workshop were about the same themes. Open your heart, be in harmony with yourself, yoga, healthy food… I have no problem with all that. I like hippies, I like there way of life. But I find sad that they always want to be in the same box. As if there was only one alternative life style. As if there was only one way to be in peace and in harmony with yourself. Do half an hour a day of yoga, eat balanced food, forget meet, meditate, connect with your inside you. I find all that so complicate! Can’t we be in peace without doing all that? Am I so much unbalanced? I was feeling the total opposite…

I like smiling to stranger. I like being happy with me, et I do find really sad to see that other person need someone to tell them “smile to other, be happy, love your fellows”. Maybe because it seems so natural for me… I don’t need someone to repeat for one hour that I’m awesome. I already know that. Presumptuous? Maybe a little…

It reminds me an experience I had, not so long ago. Someone who told me “you should says nice thing to people, they will stop to talk to you, and then it will be easier for you to sell your produce”. I feel exactly the same way… “You are at Confest, you have to love everybody, and you have to tell them”. No. I’m sorry. I won’t. And want to tell others how I feel when I want to. Not because I’m at Confest. For the same reason, telling a compliment to someone suddenly lose all its natural aspect. “He’s so good. He likes me. He’s so much into Confest spirit”. Non. I’m not into Confest spirit. I’m me. And only me. But it seems that you don’t want to see that. You just want to see me in a box.

All those cliches annoyed me a lot. Because altogether, their were way to much. I finally understand what annoyed me the most on sunday evening. There was those two young girls, doing light poise. They were not specially good, but they were having so much fun and pleasure! It was simple, fun, funny. And it made me realize that it was the first time I was seeing people playful. Having fun. Until now, I had just seen people being so serious trying to be perfect hippies! They had to be in contact with there inner themselves, they had to smile to everyone, they had to cuddle with stranger… so much complicate constraints, when I was just looking for simple exchange… I was just looking for fun… to enjoy my self a simple way… all that was way to serious for me. As if everybody has its own todo list to experience a perfect Confest. Everybody in the same box…

Don’t make me say what I did not say. I liked my Confest, and I took it as an opportunity to do a couple of experience. I went to a spontaneous quire (which was at a specific time, strange concept) who showed me how a crowd can be a great musical instrument. I participate to a “corridor of love”. I don’t remember the exact name… people form two raws, making a tunnel, that other people cross, closing there eyes. While you’re walking, strangers keep telling you that they love you. Really interesting and strange experience, as so many voice seems to be so true… perfect tons, beautiful voice… we just want to open our eyes, to stop, and meet this stranger. Until we realize that all that is only artificial. For be, it’s just a way to banalize love, to remove all its meaning, “I love you” becoming just a few word that anyone can tell to anyone else. I don’t want a stranger to love me. I want a stranger to be interest by me, to want to learn and exchange with me. To want to know who I am… I won’t say anything about parents who bring there child to those kind of experiences… I just saw kids who were looking bad, unhappy and oppressed…

I think one of my mane disappointment came from the complete lack of didgeridoo. The only one I heard during the 4 days of Confest… was mine. No, in Australia like everywhere else, hippies play djembe. I don’t have anything about the drum. After all, I love playing djembe to. But I was feeling that, in Australia, in the middle of people who want to be in touch with earth, with there roots, there was nothing more natural than a didgeridoo… ironically, while I was doing my best to have my didge heard in a drum circle, someone come to tell me “sorry, we would like to have to other drums where you’re sitting”. I almost told him that I was playing music to, explaining him that the instrument I was playing was a better one than an african drums to be played here… I didn’t see any reason to say that, and preferred to leave, disillusioned. Drumer were taking themselves to seriously too.

Conclusion came to me on the last day, while I was attending a workshop just before leaving. “Fairy tales and how to use them to heal personal wounds”. The workshop, really interesting by the way, finished with a visualization exercise, in order to see our inner monster, and talk to him. It works pretty well. Definitely better than I was expecting. I was really surprise to discover that my inner monster was an picture from my childhood, picture that I had forgotten a long time ago. But its message was quite simple “I left quite a while ago, you’re in peace with yourself”.

Maybe all the problem lays in this only sentence. I’m in peace and in harmony with myself. I found a balance that needs no yoga, no meditation, no forcing smiles. My smiles are natural, because I’m naturally in peace. I’m free. I’m traveling following the wind, the opportunity, going at my own pace. I’m a hippie with no material bounds, who likes others. My inner smile is auto fueled. I’m me. I’m happy. And I love sharing my happiness.

One Response to “Confest… they tried to change my life

  1. July 29th, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    Rue du Pourquoi Pas » Blog Archive » Rêvons un peu says:

    […] L’Australie, justement, m’avait appris à me méfier. Il y avait le risque d’une déception comme au Comfest, ou d’une expérience magnifique, comme au Wide Open Space et au Barunga Aboriginal Festival. […]